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Honor Among Thieves

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Hi Guys,

Quite an upsetting blog to have to write on a Saturday night, especially when I should be packing for my holiday tomorrow. But I wanted to get this out before I disappear into the Scottish wilderness and get eaten by one of those massive cows with long hair.

Earlier this year it came to our attention that one of our longish-standing girls, Charlotte, had set up an escort agency website. Not in itself a big deal, until we found out she had been contacting other Elite girls and trying to recruit them. A real kick in the balls that one, as we had spent a lot of time, energy and love on Charlotte and the betrayal was very personal (and very low). We asked her to leave.

Soon after we began receiving calls and texts from customers (and other girls) warning us that of our 20 or so girls, 2 had taken the bait: Melissa and Heidi. We rang both girls to discuss, and were assured that it wasn’t true – they were loyal to the agency and would never do anything behind our back. They were lying, as both of their photos have appeared on Charlotte’s website in the last few days. I can’t quite understand it as they are busy, our customers are lovely and we are lovely, but there you go.  I suspect the lure of £500 for 2 hours was too much and they hoped we wouldn’t notice.

I was very fond of them both, but particularly Melissa, so it’s really quite gutting to have been lied to. Both girls have been removed from the website tonight.

Lisa and I work so hard to find the Elite girls, to recruit, nurture and take care of them so that we can continue to be one of the best agency’s in the UK. We don’t do it so a competitor who has no idea how to recruit staff can latch onto them with a promise of nonsense rates. The customers who warned us what was going on understand that, and I am ever so grateful for their loyalty and support. It means a lot.

For those of you nattering to Charlotte and hearing all about her incredible work – remember that it’s actually Lisa, my and the rest of the Elite girls’ incredible work. Charlotte is, for the most part, pinching it. She has taken two of our girls, plenty of our ideas and borrowed heavily from our website text. She even chats to our clients on social media. In doing so, she is not only trying to fuck Lisa and I over, she is fucking the rest of Elite girls over too. These girls were her colleagues and team-mates – they recommended her to clients and promoted her for duos. She is (and you’ll excuse the French), a cunt.

It’s out of character for me to write a blog ‘airing my dirty linen’ but today has been really upsetting. If you love Elite Courtesans, the service we provide and most importantly the wonderful girls who remain on our books, I would ask you to please show us all your support. You’d really miss us if we all decided to jack it in and go and work down Tescos. Charlotte would miss us the most of course, as she wouldn’t have a fucking clue what to do next.

Suzy (and Lisa) x

 

The post Honor Among Thieves appeared first on Elite Courtesans.


For One Night Only

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Saucy post written by the amazing Laura

I have always lived to work and not worked to live, there is a huge difference. Likewise i have always had a huge sexual appetite and enjoyed sex just as much as a guy. So for those two reasons becoming an escort was a no brainer; i love to work and i love sex, simple.

It is the perfect combination, for one night only we act out a fantasy, a desire, we become a companion, a girlfriend experience or to lower the tone a fuck buddy. A client gets exactly what he desires and we are fulfilled along the way. Every evening different, every date as exciting as the next.

One most memorable date for me was with a Mr N, it was his first time with elite but not his first encounter with an escort. My drive to the date was fairly short, it was a warm evening, i took my time and arrived at the beautiful rural hotel a little early, therefore i used the spare few minutes to adjust my hold ups and add a little lipstick. I walked into the hotel, immediately noticing the beautiful chandelier, I’ve always liked sparkly items and then headed over to the lift, as I’m waiting for it to reach my floor i notice in the mirror that my lacy black bra is peeping over my cream silk cami top, i adjust and leave the lift to walk along the long corridor.

The knock on the door is the most exhilarating part of a date; who’s behind the door, its such anticipation, a total rush.

Mr N opens the door and I am immediately welcomed by his huge friendly smile and chatty personality, i feel like we have met before, we haven’t but it feels like it. He has champagne on ice but asks if i would like to have a drink in the bar, so we saunter back along the corridor and into the lowly lit cosy bar. We find a comfy place in the corner and get to know each other, the wine is cold and it is going down a treat. We are a little tipsy which is fun and the flirting begins, the gentle touches and strokes. He whispers into my ear that he wishes to massage me which I’m very happy to hear. He strokes my inner thigh, nobody can see which makes it even more arousing. He looks at me, i know that look, he’s ready to go back to his suite, so we head back up.

Back in the room he pops the cork on the champagne and puts on a little music, i head into the bathroom and as requested emerge in just my underwear and robe. He hands me a glass of champagne and asks me to lay on the white fluffy towel he has laid out on the sumptuous bed. He gently starts to massage my shoulders and back, he’s good, a natural, then he moves onto my lower back and tops of my thighs, his fingers slip under my lace panties and gently brush past my increasingly wet pussy. He turns me over and kisses me through my underwear, he looks up I’m willing him to carry on, he does, he pulls my underwear to the side and licks my clit, his fingers are oily from the massage and he runs his hand up my body over my breasts, he lifts me up pulling off my thong. I wrap my legs around his head as he thrusts his tongue deep inside me. Im loving it and he’s enjoying making me groan, he tells me its all about my pleasure and that he wants to make me happy. I relax back into the moment and before i know it i am having the best orgasm ever, my legs are shaking and him eating me up even more, i come, and he stops and is smiling, he tells me to relax and passes me my glass of champagne.

He lays down beside me, now its his turn, he’s still half dressed but there is no mistaking his huge hard penis pressing against his smart trousers, i unzip him and he pops straight out, he’s commando. I lick and tease the end of his cock, leaving him wanting more. I pull off his trousers and take him all in my mouth, slowly then faster then slowly again, getting him to the point of coming then stopping, i ask him if he’s ready for me and he says yes, i straddle him but the other way around, reverse cowgirl so he has the view of my juicy ass bouncing up and down on him, i slide in his cock, it feels amazing and i start to ride him, my ass is bouncing and he’s holding onto it, he has a firm grip so can control the speed we are fucking, i am facing a mirror and see my reflection, my breasts bouncing up and down, his cock sliding in and out, he starts to get faster and harder, he’s about to come and he lets out a huge groan and stops me holding me down on his cock, he’s come hard. We both collapse back onto the bed and lay there taking it all in. Its been a wonderful evening, another perfect date.

We finish the evening by sharing a deep filled bath, bubbles overflowing, laughing and sharing stories of naughty encounters but its soon time to leave, i dress and kiss Mr N on the lips, we both agree it was a fun night and hope to cross paths again, another time, another city another life…

For one night only x

 

The post For One Night Only appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

All about Zara

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What’s your occupation?
I work as a PA for a perfumery retail company.

Starsign?
Sagittarius

What attracted you to escorting?
Meeting new people and letting my naughty side out.

Which other Elite girls have you met in person?
Lisa, Suzy, Chloe, Juliet, Holly and Claire.

What turns you on?
Massages, perfect settings and oil!

What turns you off?
Bad feet….seriously!

Favourite drink?
Platinum passion.

Most beautiful/interesting/favourite place in the world you’ve visited and why:
I loved travelling across Singapore – the people and country were so vibrant and energetic.

You’re on death row (probably for shagging some poor guy to death). You can choose one last meal and one movie to watch while you eat it. Name them:
Spanish Paella and why not go out too a legendary Al Pacino movie.

Do you have a favourite author?
E.L.James (50 shades of Grey)

If ITV (or even Hollywood) made a TV series about your escorting escapades, who would you like to see play the lead role?
Jessica Alba – I think shes got a good but naughty side.

If you were a car, what type would you be and why?
Has to be Mercedes: classic and powerful.

We know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but what other less extravagant gifts make you smile?
Just a great hug in warm arms :)

Stockings or hold ups?
Stockings

Beatles or Rolling Stones?
Beatles

Suzy or Lisa?
Of course both at the same time!!


Visit Zara’s Portfolio

The post All about Zara appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Get Yourself on Twitter

Gentlemen, Your Willies!

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I’m going to cut right to the chase with this blog fellas: if you’re the sort of guy who doesn’t think having a good wash is essential before meeting an escort, we don’t want you as a customer. I don’t mean spraying a bit of Old Spice down your kecks either. I mean clothes off, in the shower, naked with soap rubbed everywhere.

You see we are happy with a lot of things. You don’t look like Brad Pitt? No problem (though if you do please call and ask to book Suzy). You’re socially awkward/incredibly shy? No problem. You’re overweight? No problem. You’re old enough to be our grandfather? No problem. But turning up to a booking in the same suit you’ve been wearing all day, with your cock and balls stinking of piss? PROBLEM.

Most clients make one hell of an effort before meeting an escort and it’s very much appreciated. The ladies themselves spend no less than an hour getting ready for each booking, often longer, making sure they are immaculately groomed. I don’t expect the same amount of effort from you gents, but I do expect you to be perfectly clean. By which I mean well showered in the immediate hour before the booking, not earlier that day!

I will never understand a man who is willing to spend hundreds of pounds booking an escort (in a recent case £1200 to be exact), only to turn up to a booking so dirty that the lady is loathe to go anywhere near him. Telling her to rub the white gunk under your foreskin away with a baby wipe won’t cut it either. If it turns out to be me in the booking with you (and yes, I am an undercover boss from time to time), you’ll find your pack of baby wipes shoved up your arse.

So, some ground rules for the occasional stinker that graces my agency with a booking:-

If you turn up to your booking clearly unwashed (boys, we always know when you haven’t washed), you will be asked to shower and clean yourself thoroughly. No less than 10 minutes in the shower will suffice and it will done in your booking time. Bear in mind that being told you stink by your date is a real passion killer for both parties, so expect to feel embarrassed for the rest of the booking.

If you refuse to shower and wash thoroughly, my lady has two options. The first option is to offer you a reduced service – no oral sex or kissing at all. We are talking a very basic service, not something we would ever dream of providing normally. Our service is delivered with passion each and every time. We aim to make you feel like a million dollars. But if you can’t be arsed to wash, we’ll make you feel like 10 dollars tops.

The second option is my lady walks, taking with her a fee to cover her fuel and travelling time.

We don’t want your booking to be crap, we really don’t. We love our customers. We want you to use our agency again and again. We want the girls to text us afterwards telling us what a pleasure you were to spend time with (as often happens), and not how they gagged when they went near your cock because it was smelly. So pleeeeeeeease make sure you’ve showered properly before a meeting. And if you can’t be bothered to do that, don’t waste your money booking one of our ladies, because we simply won’t tolerate you, you dirty bastard.

The post Gentlemen, Your Willies! appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Be Excellent To Each Other

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I can say hand on heart that currently, I work with the best team of ladies I have ever done. Sure, great ladies have worked with me in the past, but never before has everyone in the team been so damn good. The current Elite ladies are so brilliantly customer focused that every morning my inbox is full of praise; they genuinely all strive to be the best at what they do. And the most wonderful thing is, there’s no low self esteem fuelled drama and bitchiness. Narcissism – a big problem this time last year – is at an all time low. It’s fair to say that the 2013 Christmas party is going to be fun, even more fun than last year if that’s possible. I hope not to pass out and piss myself (no promises).

But being in this industry as an agent and speaking with as many clients as I do, I occasionally hear from those who have grievances with ladies outside of my agency. Sometimes they ask for my help, other times they just want to share what has happened. In the last month or so, I have heard three complaints from three very upset men about girls taking money without providing a service. In two of the cases we are talking about thousands of pounds. Over the years i’ve heard many, many more.

Just as it angers me when clients rip off escorts, it angers me equally when escorts do the same back. When I meet a potential Elite Courtesan for an interview, I always remind her that the gents are not there to chat (or very very few are). So if you get to the end of a booking and all you’ve done is talk, you’re probably a bit of charlatan. Similarly, if you’re poorly during the booking and leave early, or spend the booking hiding in the bathroom then you walk out without giving the client his money back, you’re being incredibly dishonest. Forget all this ‘oh i’ll give you a freebie next time babe’, JUST GIVE THE GUY HIS MONEY BACK.

But the pièce de résistance: if you take thousands off a client for a weekend away – as happened in two of these cases according to the gents – and that never materialises because your nan died, your cat got stuck up a tree or whatever, it stands to reason that as a decent human being the first thing you do is give the money back. If you don’t, you’re a fraudster and a cunt.

In an ideal United Kingdom, where prostitution was entirely legal and punters were not viewed as morally reprehensible, a client could have recourse through the courts for the above. But currently I dare say very few men would consider taking that action, so escorts who obtain money by deception get away with it.

My advice gents is this, if a lady takes your money without providing a service: write a review. Write reviews on Captain69, Punterlink and Punternet. Keep it factual, honest and calm. By keeping it reasonable it’s more likely to be published and more likely to believed. Many guys I speak to say they are worried about reprisals if they write a negative review. In almost all cases you are being paranoid and shouldn’t let it put you off. If my agency received a bad review, all I would do is either write an apology or a rebuttal. I wouldn’t employ a team of henchman to break your legs.

But really it should never get to that. Firstly because if any of my ladies took money without providing a service it would be given back to the client. And secondly because all of my ladies view their work as a business, and understand that scamming people gets you a quick buck now but leaves you floundering later. That client will never book you again, and repeat clients are the lifeblood of your business. You really have to be terribly thick not to work that out.

The post Be Excellent To Each Other appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder

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As an escort agency, we represent a number of women: blondes, brunettes, girls in their twenties, girls in their 40s.

Whether they have small or massive tits, they are all beautiful and interesting in their own individual ways.

As a professional matchmaker, I do not always get it right. It’s not uncommon for me to have very good feedback and then very bad feedback from different guys about the same lady.

The above illustration says it all.

Regardless of how many men out there think you are wonderful, it doesn’t mean you will be everyone’s cup of tea.

A girl with a million escort reviews on the top of the whoring pops, won’t always be everyone’s cup of tea.

These are ridiculously obvious statements and you are probably wondering why the hell did Suzy let Lisa intervene with the agency blog. (Yes… this is Lisa speaking)

There are two reasons why I am writing this post (other than because Suzy is away)

Firstly because I’d like to explain why I don’t like answering to questions such as “who’s your best girl” or “who’s your most beautiful girl?”

We do our best to provide as many photos and as much info as we can about everyone we represent. The girls’ blogs are written by themselves and can tell a lot about the girls’ personalities. Our twitter is filled with feedback we get on a daily basis.

We’d like to think we provide enough info so one can at least get a shortlist of favorites.

Ladies found to be providing an inferior level of service, will be quickly invited to work independently or elsewhere. If a girl is on our site, it’s because she deserves her place there.

So here’s my earnest request: stop asking me to recommend the best or the prettiest. My opinion of beauty is personal to me and may differ from yours.

I am not trying to talk myself out of my job: I am here to help. Please ask if you prefer someone who is known to like role play more than others. A girl who doesn’t smoke or someone who enjoys seeing couples. Please be specific and don’t be afraid to ask if we have any 6 foot tall English escort in London for tonight.

I also do not wish to discourage feedback from you lovelies. Please keep them coming! It helps me to find out what you like which in turn, helps me to help you.

whisper-gossip

The second reason why I am writing this post is to remind girls that this industry has a lot of rejection.

**EVERYONE** regardless of how fantastic they think they are, will have their share of negative or less enthusiastic feedback.

You will very rarely hear negative comments about YOU directly from customers. If you are part of our team, only the positive feedback will be forwarded and constructive criticism given.

Most gents prefer not to comment on past escort experiences when meeting other girls.  However, some gents will talk about past experiences so be prepared to hear their own take on the good and the bad of the industry.

What you decide to do with this information is entirely up to you. Just remember that at one point, or maybe right now, there could be someone talking about you too.

A very thick skin is needed on an escort’s back. Forums, review sites, twitter and general chit chat between girls and customers sometimes can be as bitter as it can be sweet.

Whenever you read things that make you doubt about how amazing you are, remember that for a hand full of people who think you are crap, there’s an army of men (and women – if you are bisexual) who think you are simply the best!

Lisa xx

The post Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

An Elite Encounter

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The blog below was written by one of our wonderful clients, inspired by a meeting with the lovely Brooke.

Early this year I was fortunate enough to discover Elite Courtesans. This chance find literally changed my life, enriching it with the company of some truly wonderful girls. To illustrate this I’d like to share an account of an evening spent with one of Suzy’s Angels: Brooke.

The crunch of tyres on the drive announced Brooke’s arrival. For most of that day I’d been a basket case, the mounting anticipation ruling out any chance of meaningful work. But now, finally my wait was over. Brooke was stunning. She wore a colourful floral-pattern summer dress and red heels. Her slim shapely figure was topped by a head of short blonde hair and a radiant smile. I knew immediately I was going to get on very well with this girl.

Once inside we dealt with the pleasantries quickly and were soon heading upstairs. Brooke walked ahead flashing tantalising glimpses of her white cotton panties as we ascended the steps. Indicating she’d like to freshen up I showed her to the bathroom, and stepped into the adjacent bedroom to wait.

Not quite knowing what to do with myself I just sat on the edge of the 4-poster bed. A few minutes later Brooke reappeared framing the doorway and sporting a gloriously naughty smile. I stood up, but she motioned me to sit down again. While freshening up Brooke had unzipped the back of her dress which now hung loose over her shoulders. With a little shrug the material lost its grip, slipped down her slender body and fell to the floor. What emerged caught my breath. Brooke’s simple white cotton bra and matching panties contrast wonderfully with her tanned skin. In fact she looked so hot I just sat open mouthed, like a silly love-struck school boy.

My stunned reaction evidently pleased her. Sweeping her hands across her curving form Brooke unclasped her bra, holding the loose garment against her breasts for a few seconds, before letting it fall, joining her dress on the floor. Slowly dropping her arm she  revealed firm pert breasts topped by dark brown nipples. My cock reacted accordingly straining against my underwear.

Dressed now only in panties and high heels Brooke stepped her feet apart exposing an exquisite gap between her upper thighs. The thin white cotton of her panties seemed to follow every fold of her pussy, leaving very little to my imagination. But more wonders were to come. Brooke now moved her hands up cradling her soft breasts, squeezing as she did her hardening nipples. With each gentle pressure her eyes closed slightly and her mouth let out a gentle groan. The sensations growing in her breasts also caused Brooke’s tummy muscles to tightened making her body pitch slightly towards me.

With her left had still working her nipples she lowered her right hand over her belly finding the seam of her panties. Pushing at the white material her fingers slipped inside, reaching out for the warm flesh of her freshly shaven pussy.

With slow rhythmic strokes Brooke began caressing the outer lips of her cunt, dipping in and out of the moistening cleft with each pass. Her eyes closed as she began to experience the early stages of a building orgasm. Between her legs I could clearly see a dark wet patch growing on the thin white fabric. This girl was not simply putting on an expert show for a client, she was really bringing herself off. Jesus, what a turn on!

As if shaken from a dream I realised it was time for me to get my butt in gear. This wonderful girl was about to cum right in front of me and I hadn’t yet laid a finger on her!

It appeared that Brooke could read my mind. Stepping forward she grasped my right hand, selected two fingers, pulled the crotch of her panties to one side and thrust them up, into her cunt, using me like a dildo. My God I thought, how much hotter can this girl get? Placing the palm of my left hand against Brooke’s pubic mound I curled my fingers forward against her g-spot on the inner wall of her vagina and began to softly stroke its rough surface.

This felt so good for both of us, but I had other plans. Withdrawing my fingers I stood up. Brooke immediately opened her eyes and, looking up at me, she pouted playfully in mock disappointment. Two can play at tease I thought. So, rather than going straight for her breasts I swept my hands over her nipples and down the small of her back. Pushing inside the elastic waist of her panties my hands glided over her buttocks, firmly grabbing her arse and pulling her pelvis against mine. Our open mouths met, tonguing each other hungrily, drinking in our mounting mutual passion.

Swiftly and methodically Brooke removed my clothes, expertly dealing with my shirt and dropped my trousers to the ground within a matter of seconds. Her hands glided down my back and under the waste band of my pants. Hooking her thumbs over the elastic she drew them over my arse and down my thighs, sinking to her knees in as she did so.

I felt her tongue gently nudge the small open slit at the tip of my cock as her right hand grasped it’s shaft, slowly drawing back my foreskin, revealing it’s swollen pink head. She then took the end of my penis into her mouth and began sucking, while wanking my shaft with her right hand and tenderly squeezing my testicles with her left. I could feel an orgasm welling up. The erectile tissue around my balls contracted and stiffened in preparation for ejaculation. Brooke, recognising the point of no return was approaching, stopped abruptly, removing my cock from her mouth and deftly applied a condom. Then standing on her tip toes, she grabbed the back of my head with both hands and slammed her mouth onto mine, sinking her tongue deep inside.

Having been so expertly blown it took a few moments for my wits to return. We were standing just inches apart and still kissing with hungry passion. Brooke’s swollen nipples were gently grazing my chest, sending thrills through my body, while the soft flesh of her lower abdomen pressed against my throbbing cock. I really couldn’t remember ever being so turned on.

Events now picked up pace. Disengaging from Brooke’s grasp I stepped behind her and grabbed her shoulders. Then bending her forward at the waist I force her upper body over the bed. Sinking to my knees I grabbed the waist band of the panties, pulled them over the cheeks of her arse and dropped them to the floor. Now totally naked I spread Brooke’s legs wide apart forcing her buttocks to separate, revealing, just inches from my face, the glorious pucker of her anus, her moist pussy slit and the swollen pink pearl of her clit. I leaned forward, put my lips against her cunt, and tenderly kissed her womanhood. Then  dipping my tongue deep inside her pussy, the musky smell of her sex filling my nostrils, I ate her cunt. Brooke moaned softly.

Inserting two fingers into her cleft I quickly relocating the rough surface of her g-spot and, with steady downward pressure, again began drawing my fingers in and out of her quimm. Judging by her quickening breaths I was evidently hitting the spot (so to speak). Licking deep into her vagina I lapped her juices up and over sensitive skin of her perineum, drenching her puckered anus. Brooke began to squirm with pleasure as the tip of my tongue caressed and probed her rectal opening. Yet despite her obvious distraction Brooke now appeared to be rummaging in her bag.

The reason was soon apparent as a stubby black butt plug and a tube of gel appeared between her legs. I needed no further prompting. In my limited my experience of anal play you can never have too much lube. So, squirting a generous quantity over Brooke’s rectum, I began gently working it into her back passage with my finger. The butt plug also lubbed, I offered it up to her puckered flesh and slow but firmly eased it inside. As it reached full depth Brooke’s rectal muscle clenched around the plug’s waste, holding it firmly in place, causing her body shudder slightly beneath me. Her dilated hole was now completely hidden from view behind the plug’s sparkling base plate.

Still wearing her heels Brooke’s pussy was now perfectly positioned for entry. Lining up the tip of my cock, I parted the lips of her vagina and rubbed its swollen head over her clit. Then, pulling her hips towards me, I sank into her yielding flesh. As I push deeper inside I could feel the heat of her body enfold my member, accompanied by the less familiar firmness of her butt plug in the adjacent passage. As a guy I really cannot imagine what this double penetration felt like to Brooke, but judging by her growing moans it appeared to be floating her boat. From this angle I was able to push so far inside that the tip of my cock nudged against Brooke’s uterus causing her to let out a muted cry.

Lowering my chest onto her back, I reach down and grabbed her breasts, immediately feeling Brooke’s rock hard nipples pressing against the my palms. Locked together I now pulled her head and shoulders upwards arching both our backs. I could now feel Brooke’s right arm begin to shake as her hand urgently fingered her clit while my cock repeated violated her from behind. With alternating deep penetrations followed by quick shallow forays, my penis teased the lips of her pussy causing Brooke’s body to convulse with each thrust. She was evidently beginning to loose it, letting out short breathless gasps which soon became insistent exclamations of “Oh Fuck! Oh Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck me!, …….. Harder!”

Spurred on by her verbal encouragement I thrust ever deeper into Brooke’s body until, crying out, as if in pain, her body bucked and stiffened as a massive orgasm engulfed her entire being. No longer able to hold back I also climaxed, shooting a pulsing stream of semen deep inside her. My ejaculation seemed to just kept pumping, releasing days of building tension in a short but explosive burst. I prayed the condom would hold!

But all good things must end. Finally our orgasms subsided. Spent, we fell forward onto the bed, bodies entangled, limbs intertwined. Recovering I gently withdrew my penis, rolled on my side, carefully released the butt plug from Brooke’s anus, and watched in wonder as her rectum slowly closed and pucker up. Rolling her onto her back, I tenderly spread Brooke’s thighs, lowered my face over her belly and thanked her by lightly kissing her still swollen pussy and drinking in the nectar of her cum. Raising my face the hers our mouths met, sharing the bounty I’d harvested from her womanhood.

An orgasm is surely one of nature’s greatest gifts, a true natural high. For me, to witness and share Brooke’s most vulnerable and ecstatic moments was a true privilege. In this short moment we were truly lovers lying naked together. I just gazed at her body for some time watching her breasts slowly rise and fall as her breathing return to normal. My hand caressed her tummy and explored the smooth folds of flesh between her thighs, still wet with her recent passion. I look down at her, she smiled and whispered, “missionary or cowgirl?” Clearly Brooke was not done with me yet!

Evidently Brooke’s pussy required less recovery time than my cock, so I suggested “cunnilingus?” A naughty “Ooo goodie” smile appeared on her face as she shifted back on the bed. Propping herself up on a pile of pillows Brooke found a position that would give her a ring-side view of what I was about to do to her. She then brought the soles of her feet together and dropped her knees sideways onto the bed. To my delight, as her thighs separated, Brooke’s labial lips peeled open causing her pussy to bloom like a budding flower, revealing to my gaze its most intimate secrets. This demanded my immediate and undivided attention.

Well, I thought, once more into the breach!

 

Visit Brooke’s Portfolio

The post An Elite Encounter appeared first on Elite Courtesans.


How to apply for escort work

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I fucking love to have a good moan. Badly presented escort applications (along with incall requests) have been my all time pet hate since when we started back in 2007.

So I will start my ramblings based on how should one apply for a job – any job!

You find a job advert. You read the advert carefully. You read the company’s website.

When responding to the advert, you will provide accurate and up to date information. Your communication to your prospect employer will be professional and you will do your best to sell yourself, describing how great you are and why you are a suitable candidate for the job.

Unfortunately a lot of candidates seem oblivious to the above when it comes to applying for an escort job.

We are always looking for new escorts and our join us page is quite clear about what we need from candidates. Compared to the real world job adverts, we don’t ask for much.

One of the few things we ask are for up to date photos. We say we need them to be *clear* photos showing both face AND body.

Yet, rather annoyingly, we still receive photos like these ones:

No group photos when applying for escort work

Can you spot the applicant on a group photo? No? Me neither.

photo of escort lying in the sun

Nice beach but I CANNOT SEE YOUR FACE?!!!

escort with her tongue out

Applying for a job? This is the perfect photo… right? NO!

Escort in a messy room

Dirty Bitch!

The above are only a few examples (taken from the internet rather than from actual applications). The list of fails is much longer and I could ramble for ages.

Escorting whether part time or full time is just like any other business. On Suzy’s tips about being a successful escort, it’s clear that a good escort will have a strong work ethic.

The escorts who have successfully joined the agency, and proved to be excellent at what they do, were those who have taken their time to read about Elite Courtesans. They were honest about their details such as age and vital stats and provided the little that was required from them at the application process.

If you would like to work as an escort and be part of a fantastic team, please make an effort. Write more than just one line about yourself and send photos as per our requirements.

The first impression is the one that counts and there are usually no second chances. Get it right from the outset.

The post How to apply for escort work appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Review of 2010 Part 2

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Hello world! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Having survived the last week on Bucks Fizz and Ferrero Rocher, I’m not feeling too clever. But expanded waistline aside, I am at least sporting a lovely pair of Uggs – a gift from my long-suffering
husband. Originally he bought me a DVD player but I intercepted that delivery and reminded him that it was one step away from a Hoover. Very pleased with his (forced) alternative.

WANT TO look as though you’re buying a Womble costume in instalments? Simply get some Ugg boots. /via @VizTopTips

So where were we? Ah yes, we’d just finished June. If you’ve missed the first part of this review, you may want to start there first: Review of 2010 Part 1.

July

Sunshine, barbecues, beer, women wandering around town in floaty dresses – these things give guys the horn. And this probably explains why we had so many of them applying for jobs this month.

Them: ‘i’d like to get a job as a male escort’
Me: ‘are you prepared to have sex with men?’
Them: ‘no! yuck! i’m straight’
Me: ‘the only buyers in this industry are men….anyone who tells you otherwise will rip you off’
Them: ‘yeah, i’ve been ripped off twice already’
Me: *sigh*

I’m getting so tired of this speech I’m thinking of recording it as our voicemail, maybe even getting a few t-shirts printed. I do feel for guys that have been ripped off, but for the cons it must be like taking candy off babies. So no, it doesn’t matter how handsome you are, or how big your cock is, market forces dictate that we don’t employ men.

August

A total blowout this month. We hire two millionaire pads in Surrey, enlist the services of elite escort photographer Graham Moore and marvellous makeup artist Veronkia Damiani and shoot six girls over two days. Expensive, exhausting, stressful, but worth every minute. The photographs are exceptional and set the bar for the competition incredibly high. I was particularly pleased with Emma’s ‘madam’ shots, which suited the minx to a tee.

Charlotte, Emma & Jennifer

September

Oh fucking hell – horrible, just horrible – owing to one day in particular. I am sat in hospital receiving some bad news. I can feel the agency phones vibrating away silently in my bag as I try to take everything in. I leave in a teary daze, only to see 20 missed calls and text messages from a client telling me new recruit Emily has done a runner from the booking, taking over £3000 in cash with her. I call the client…he is livid, in tears, he is ringing the police.

Emily (a law graduate) is ignoring my calls. I send a text to tell her that she is going to be arrested. She texts back making a shocking allegation against the client. Horrified, I tell her to go to the police immediately. Lisa manages to reach Emily on the phone. The allegation is withdrawn, she panicked and was fibbing. After much toing and froing, and now thinking clearly, Emily visits a bank and pays back the money.

I have no idea what was going through her mind. She eventually said she didn’t like the way the client spoke to her, though she seemed to disappear from the booking at a very opportune moment. I guess this middle class girl with (presumably) a high level of intelligence thought she could get away with it. I really don’t know.

I’ve had worse days in my life, but this one in September ranks relatively highly. So I’d like to say a big fuck you to September. And an even bigger fuck you to Emily.

October

Autumn is here! I love this time of year. The dog and I enjoy long walks and leaf kicking immensely, and October rules for both. Amelia’s now infamous text, sent as she left an October booking and tweeted by moi, causes quite a stir among the regulars:

Very nice guy – took my dildo up him well too. Night x

Having spent some quality time getting tipsy with Amelia recently, I thought I would take the opportunity to say what a cracker she is. Slim, long legs (perfectly complimented by her thigh high boots), long blonde locks, a filthy mind and the most wicked sense of humour – she has never struggled with repeat bookings. So if you’re in the South East (Sussex, Surrey, Hants, Berkshire, Gatwick, Heathrow etc) definitely add her to your ‘to do’ list. You won’t regret it.

November

Snow? In November? Are you kidding me? Actually, I do love a bit of snow, though as you can imagine it causes havoc for the girls and their long distance driving. November saw Victoria stuck on the M25 for 9 hours in freezing conditions, Alisha trapped in Leicestershire (albeit briefly thanks to a lovely client) and other similar traffic nightmares.

November also sees the X Factor in full swing, and as any Agency twitter followers will know, I *heart* the X Factor. This year’s shock revelation was that one of the contestants, Chloe Mafia, worked as a £160 an hour call girl. A claim she strenuously denies and says has ruined her life. It also introduced us to the wonderful Wagner Carillho – probably Dudley’s only lion tamer. For readers who missed the show because they were too busy socialising of a Saturday evening, here’s why it’s so special:

December

So that brings us bang up to date. December sees a few of the girls get together for drinks to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. The group includes gorgeous Gloucestershire brunette Claire, who I have yet to mention in this blog so am crowbarring in now.

December also means planning for 2011. First up is a new website, which I am supposed to be completing within the next few days, but which is woefully behind schedule thanks some pernicious procrastination. It also sees me pondering whether to hire a big house and invite all the girls and some selected clients for a night of fun and frolics (Twister, Cranium etc). Sound interesting to you? Then let me know next time we speak. As I say, it’s only an idea at the moment, but in my head it’s playing out to be one hell of a night. 

Lastly, before I disappear, I would like to say a big thank you to the beautiful Elite girls for all their hard work and loyalty over the last year. And also to our clients, who continue to call, book and support us despite 2010’s tempestuous economy. Here’s to a fun, happy, healthy and prosperous 2011 for us all! And of course, here’s to my weight loss, so I can fit my fat arse back into my favourite jeans.

Mwah xx

The post Review of 2010 Part 2 appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

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….or so the adage says. Anyone who reads the Elite Courtesans Twitter feed will notice us ranting every now and then about escort agencies that appear from nowhere having nicked either our website copy, or our images. It happens to us a lot. Flattery? Nah – more like a pain in the ass.

Sometimes this theft is totally random, other times it’s down to a crap webmaster who has been told ‘I want something similar to elitecourtesans.co.uk’ and nicks it all word for word. More frequently than not though, a bit of digging reveals the thief is known to us. By which I mean girls who have worked for us briefly (and it not worked out) or girls who have been refused/failed an interview.

I get it – it must grate when you are rejected. And even though we are always complimentary and positive when turning people down, the rejection must be shit. But I have to say that ladies, you are entering an industry where pretty much every part of your being is going to be critiqued. From your looks, to your personality, your dress sense, your age and your prowess between the sheets. You need a thick skin. Correction. You need a VERY thick skin. Otherwise you will be suicidal the first time you read a punter calling you fat, old, a shit fuck, or whatever online. Even the best girls aren’t universally liked!

I have yet to see any of the new agencies who stole our content make it into a success. They usually fizzle out within a few months. Which brings me on to my next point.

I suspect that Lisa and I make running Elite Courtesans seem easy to some, money for old rope. Well, it isn’t. Anyone who thinks that running an escort agency means reaping rewards with little work or capital is a moron. If  these are your thoughts, forget it, don’t bother – you WILL fail. The Dragons will be laughing you out of the Den.

To clarify, your initial outlay will be thousands and your monthly expenditure will be thousands. You will need an excellent webmaster and SEO. You will need an accountant. You will need a business plan and an understanding bank manager. You will need to pay your tax and VAT. You will need to accept that your livelihood and possessions could be whipped out from under you at any moment by the Old Bill. You will need a solicitor. You will need to be intelligent and bloody hardworking. You will need to genuinely care about the people who work for you – they always come before your bottom line. You need to understand the sex industry.

Building up your escort agency will take as much time and effort as any other business. It probably took us 2 years of hard graft to really get into the swing of things.

If you are serious, then please take some pride in your work. Nicking content will cause you a big headache when your website is taken down. Populate your gallery with girls from stock photography websites and people will notice (nods towards Birmingham). Some punters are easily manipulated, but many aren’t. They research the girls they are going to see thoroughly. They meet on forums and discuss their experiences. If you are taking the piss, you will get found out. Yeah you’ll make some cash short-term, but it won’t last.

I like to have a good working relationship with other escort agencies. The sharing of information – bad clients and bad girls – makes the whole industry so much safer. If you are going to set up an escort agency and feel you have what it takes then great, good luck. But don’t be a lazy thieving cunt. That way, we don’t get off on the wrong foot, do we?

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Mum’s The Word

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It may surprise readers to know that when I’m not discussing 20″ dildos, deep throat techniques and the merits of thongs over French knickers, I can very occasionally be found reading the Mumsnet forums. Why? Because I’m a mum, and the ladies on that forum are by and large a helpful bunch when it comes to childcare questions; not forgetting of course telling me who I should vote for in the next election.

Mumsnet has many threads discussing various relationship issues, and now and then a thread will pop up like this one: husband seeing escorts. The lady who started this thread had been married for 21 years, had 4 children, and was devastated to find out (through her husband’s carelessness) that he had been seeing escorts both in the UK and abroad for 2 years previous.

I’m not going to sound off about men who cheat on their wives/partners. First of all, it would make me a hypocrite given the business I’m in, and second of all it’s not something that concerns me. I don’t/can’t/won’t ask clients their relationship status because as adults, it’s up to them what they do. That’s not to say though that I don’t find it sad when an otherwise happy marriage is ruined or rocked to its core by careless infidelity, be it with an escort or anyone else.

So why am I blogging about this? Well, I probably would have glossed over that thread, had it not been for an entirely thoughtless, no scratch that spiteful, interjection by a Manchester based escort calling herself CharlieGirl1. Charlie appears to have made her way anonymously to Mumsnet from the Punternet Forums in order to twist the knife, while her forum friends watched on and squealed with delight.

Here is a choice quote from Charlie, who after boring readers with her irrelevant life story, decides to give her take on why the devastated wife (or indeed any wife) might find herself in this position:

The majority of my clients are not getting what they want at home, perhaps if more couples were honest about what they want from their relationships I might not see so many clients. Wives or ex-wives like yourself are the ones who keep me busy, thanks.

It takes an especially vile, hateful, bitch to seek out someone in such despair and write those words don’t you think? Would you want your wife spoken to like that? Charlie – how about some sympathy? And if you can’t bring yourself to offer that and only that, then leave it alone and get back to Punternet and moaning about the client that left skid marks on your bed sheets.

I’ve had a few calls from irate wives in my time that I have managed as respectfully and tactfully as possible. If I ever turn into Charlie, and get sucked in by the propaganda of a minority of punters, many of whom spend their days on forums blaming their wives for their own shortcomings, I will actually punch myself in the face.

So guys, given that your wives/partners are almost certainly sneakier than you, if you enjoy this hobby and are in it for the long haul, and NOT because your wife is crap but because you love to have sex with other women, then for God’s sake cover your tracks. As can be seen time and time again, the results otherwise are heartbreaking. Worst still, your wife might be the next woman in line for phoney, nasty advice from a jaded old Northern slapper.

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Behind The Scenes

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Oh crumbs will you look at that – nearly a month since my last blog post. Pathetic Suzy, pathetic.

Anyone who has tried to reach the agency over the last few weeks will have realised that Lisa and I have been away. No, not sunbathing on the mystical Isle of Fernandos, but instead on a bit of a learning expedition across the pond. The good news is we’re back now and taking calls. Thanks to everyone who played along and contacted us ‘in writing’. I hate text messages too, but when you’re roaming they are a necessary evil. The bad news is I’m a bit fatter than when I left. At least, that’s what my bathroom scales told me this morning right before I doused them in petrol and set them alight.

So, what’s been happening? Well, I guess the big news is that right before we left, we hired a beautiful house in the English countryside and took Hayley, Claire and Lucy off to a photoshoot. Some of the results are already on the Elite Courtesans website with more coming in the next few days. All three girls did really well considering these shoots are incredibly strenuous and more like doing a day long Geri Yoga DVD. Lucy was actually on her head at one point.

Seriously though, the results are AMAZING but give little hint to the 12 or so hours of hard work that went on behind the scenes. So I thought I’d capture a few work in progress snaps for you this time. As you can see, we put a lot of effort and money into our photos. There’s definitely a lot more to it than staring at bums and boobs all day. Though of course, the bums and boobs do soften the blow a little.

Ever wondered what’s in an escort’s knicker drawer?

What about her sock drawer?

No expense spared on a top of the range wind machine

Super duper photographer Graham checks something or other with some gadget or other (I wasn’t really paying attention)

Lucy’s picnic hamper – does she take it along to bookings I wonder?

How many escorts does it take to do up a suspender belt?

Actually, that suspender picture reminds me of a time I had to escape a client’s house through his back window after his very angry ex-wife turned up. In my haste I didn’t attach my stockings properly (they take at least 5 hours to get right) and I ended up running to my car with Nora Batty style hosiery falling down my legs. Not my finest moment, but at least I lived to fight another day.

Anyway, back on track, the other piece of exciting news is that we have lovely new girls coming out of our ears at the moment. Lilly is off for her photoshoot next week, Carla hopefully not long after. Also Juliet and Grace have just joined and are learning the ropes. So it seems it’s not only the guys who get the horn when the sun starts shining. Hurray for spring and roll on summer!

The post Behind The Scenes appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

All About Suzy

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You’ve probably noticed that the lovely Elite girls have all been busy lately filling out questionnaires on the Elite Courtesans blog. The idea being that their answers will help you better understand their personalities, and maybe aid you in your decision of who to book. I thought I would have a go at it too, since I wrote the questions and it’s turned out to be good fun. So, here goes…

What’s your occupation?
Owner of Elite Courtesans. I run the agency with my Brazilian best friend, Lisa (pronounced Lee-za). We also dabble in web design and SEO. Usually some other hair-brained scheme on the go too.

Star Sign
Scorpio

What attracted you to escorting?
The naughty sex first, the money second. There is a lot of both to be had if you do things right. But this is not an industry for lazy bastards who sleep all day and can’t keep appointments, no matter how pretty they are.

Which other Elite girls have you met in person?
All of them of course! We interview the girls in person, we join them at their photoshoots and we also hold parties and get-togethers. I miss Taylor, Emma and Fran – all good friends – but good to see them off to do their own (very different) things.

What turns you on?
Loads of different things, but nothing traditional. Being turned on by things outside of the norm is I guess what makes someone cut out for this kind of work. My big TV crush is Tony Soprano. Go figure. Maybe it’s a bad boys thing?

What turns you off?
Arrogance (yes, I know some of you think I’m arrogant). Passive-aggressive behaviour. Attempts to patronise me.

Favourite drink?
It used to be Jack Daniels. Nowadays a Tiger beer or a Vodka, lime and soda will suffice. For cocktails it’s the Caipirinha – the best I’ve tasted being at Gauchos in Piccadilly. I’m a notorious binge drinker so I try not to touch alcohol that often. Most times I do, I wake up the next day in a skip with a cone on my head. In times past I’ve done things that would make Keith Richards blush.

Most beautiful/interesting/favourite place in the world you’ve visited and why:
I’m lucky to have travelled a lot, but I think my absolute favourite place is New York. Flying into JFK, jumping in a cab, driving through Queens and then BAM, that skyline hits you. Fucking hell, it’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen. I love the place. Second to that, anywhere in the Indian Ocean where I can snorkel and scuba dive to my heart’s content. I love the ocean and marine life.

You’re on death row (probably for shagging some poor guy to death). You can choose one last meal and one movie to watch while you eat it. Name them:
I probably didn’t get to the shagging part. He probably said something to offend me so I bludgeoned him with my handbag. Food wise, I’m going to have a steak, chunky chips and a tomato and red onion salad soaked in salt, vinegar and oil. My movie would be The Big Lebowski, dude! Aside from being a wonderfully clever and funny film, its soundtrack heavily features Creedence Clearwater Revival, one of my all time fav bands.

Do you have a favourite author?
I love Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Robert Rankin and Spike Milligan. But my all time favourite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse 5 is such a tremendous book, it should be read by everyone (come on, it will be the best £4.77 you’ve ever spent). I’m a history graduate, so I also love historical non-fiction, especially anything on the English Civil War, and the First and Second World Wars. Lastly, Motley Crue’s The Dirt is a cracking read. Buy it, take it on holiday, whatever. Those guys were mental. You don’t have to like their shit hair metal to LOVE this book (though I do).

If ITV (or even Hollywood) made a TV series about your escorting escapades, who would you like to see play the lead role?
I don’t really look like any famous person, dead or alive. A client once complained that I looked nothing like Cindy Crawford. Given that I never once made any claims that I did look like her (because I don’t), the complaint came as a bit of shock. So I’ll go with her.

If you were a car, what type would you be and why?
Who wrote this bloody stupid question? Ummm, I’d have to say a carefully maintained Renault 5 GT Turbo in electric blue. Way past its sell by date, but still a glorious machine with loads of poke.

We know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but what other less extravagant gifts make you smile?
I’m not particularly materialistic, but I’d like a Rolex. I guess that’s still pretty extravagant though. Ah well, tough.

Stockings or hold ups?
Neither. Nora Batty opaque tights and big pair of bloomers.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?
While the Stones wrote some corkers, the Beatles are wonderfully diverse and so much better.

Lisa or Suzy?
Suzy any day of the week. Lisa smells.

The post All About Suzy appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Twitter Etiquette

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With the increased popularity of Twitter over recent months, both with our girls and our clients, we thought it would be a good idea to note down some ‘Twitter Etiquette’. This will help you – our clients – understand what we feel is an acceptable use of the service and hopefully stop problems before they begin.

What We Like
We love the banter between the agency, the girls and the clients. We like to learn more about our clients and we enjoy the short day to day chit chat that Twitter allows for.

We like the increased excitement and anticipation Twitter can bring to both clients and girls.

We see Twitter as a way that our girls can express themselves (sorry that sounds so wanky), and anything that helps clients learn more about the girls they are going to meet can only be a good thing. Do follow them and read their ramblings!

What We Do Not Like
Clients relentlessly tweeting the ladies throughout the day (same goes for direct messages). See tweets no differently to text messages. If you sent an escort 20 text messages a day you would quickly be blacklisted as a pest – regardless of whether you booked her or not. Don’t make the same mistake here. Once the girls see you as a pain, nothing we say to them will change that. Please be very respectful of their time.

Please do not ask the girls directly about their availability, minimum booking times, rates or their services. For any business type questions, speak to the agency by email or on 07728 554 754.

Who is Using Twitter?
We do not ask the girls to post on Twitter. It’s really up to them if they have the time or the inclination to do so. Please, please don’t let the fact that a lady doesn’t have a Twitter account put you off booking her! If she has passed a Suzy or Lisa interview you can be sure of three things: she’s drop dead gorgeous, she has a thoroughly engaging personality and she’s an exceptionally naughty and fun companion. Twitter or no Twitter.

I think that’s covered it. Any questions, problems or worries that I am talking about you in particular (i’m probably not), you know where I am.

Suzy x

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The Question of Race

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I’m really supposed to be packing…Elite Towers is moving to a new location in a few days. Ever the procrastinator though I thought i’d pay my blog a bit of attention instead – it’s been very poorly neglected of late. What’s prompted me to write is a comment made to me by a client in the last few days. I guess it shocked me a little:

“I like your agency Suzy because you don’t let your girls sleep with black men.”

Now I would like to start by saying this isn’t a dig at the client. His prejudices do not concern me, but his perception of our agency does. I’ll mention right now that the above statement is not true. What’s clear is that at some point in the past, one of the Elite girls has told him this supposed statement of fact, either because she had misconstrued something that was said to her during her interview, or simply because she’d never met any black Elite clients and was jumping to conclusions.

The question of race has always has always been hotly debated on punting forums. There are two camps: Camp A who feel sex workers should see anyone regardless of race, age, disability, sex etc (this group almost entirely consists of punters), and Camp B who feel sex workers have the right to choose who they see (consists most sex workers and sensible punters).

You’ve already guessed which camp I am in. Yes, there are discrimination laws and they exist for a very good reason. But you cannot compare working as an accountant or a hairdresser to working as a prostitute. The job is quite unlike any other. To allow a man to penetrate you, stick their tongue and penis in your mouth, to grope and fondle you – these are all incredibly intimate acts. It’s important that both sides are comfortable and up for it. When one side is unwilling and unhappy with the situation…well, we all know what that really means don’t we. Why demand people put themselves in that position?

‘Ah’, Camp A will say ‘you’re providing a service, no different to a plumber, you should be happy to see anyone and everyone and not discriminate.’ The irony is, punters who make these statements are the first ones that complain if they feel a girl is offering a going-through-the-motions type service (yeah, much like a plumber would); they hate feeling like they are one of many and that the girl would prefer to be somewhere else. Newsflash fuck nuts, what makes your favourite girl so hot, so genuine, so passionate, is that she is actually enjoying herself. She has chosen to see you of her own free will. She has not been told that as a hooker, she has to shag anyone and everyone that crosses her path, regardless of her personal preferences, prejudices and turn offs. You can’t have it both fucking ways!

As for us, I will say quite categorically that as an agency we do not exclude people based on the colour of their skin. It’s daft, in our opinion unnecessary and it really makes terrible business sense. But that doesn’t mean we ignore personal preferences and force girls into bookings they are not comfortable with – we are not pimps. We strike a balance.

So who do we exclude as an agency? We do exclude clients (regardless of colour) who have travelled from countries where the incidence of HIV infection is high. We are not going to risk our girls’ health with a client who comes from a country where 20% of the adult population has HIV. You may call that racism, we call it common sense. It’s been drummed into us over many years by NHS GUM clinics and we stick to their advice. I can only assume that in order to satisfy their white, middle-class, armchair liberalism, Camp A would expect us to suck the cocks of these guys uncovered (after all, that’s what we do with British clients). But fuck Camp A – much like crossing the road, sex work is all about taking calculated risks. When we stop calculating those risks, we’re doomed.

For us, race is a minor issue. A far more frequently exercised exclusion is being a MASSIVE DICKHEAD. Camp A can rest easy on this one. In our experience, being a massive dickhead transcends race and political borders.

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Titty Titty Bang Bang

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It’s amazing how my creative juices start flowing when I have far more important things to be doing. Oh well.

I wanted to write about breasts. Or tits, norks, boobs, bristols, funbags…whatever you prefer to call them. One thing i’ve noticed while working at an escort agency is the amount of requests for slim girls with large natural breasts. It seems that some men, while loving big boobs on small frames, are not fans of enhanced cleavage at all. These guys will actually refuse a stunning girl with a fantastic personality and wonderful feedback, solely on account of her ‘fake’ boobs. The two main complaints being:

  • fake boobs do not look right;
  • fake boobs do not feel right.

While it’s true that bad or over the top boob jobs are recognisable from a mile away, not all the menfolk I talk to (and I talk to a lot) can spot a good boob job. I’ve even been asked if 32FF boobs on a dress size 6, 5ft 3″ framed girl are real. I can’t help but wonder, with photoshopping and/or breast augmentation being so prevalent in porn, glamour and everywhere else you find naked women these days, do all men realise what your average pair of large natural breasts look like without a bra on? Or that it’s not that common for a skinny girl to have massive natural tits?

In many cases, naturally big boobs don’t look like those below, of which all but one have been sculpted by a surgeon. The girl with the real boobs is lucky enough to be slim with large, evenly formed, gravity defying breasts. Generally though, slender girls tend to have smaller boobs. And those girls that have naturally big boobs tend to have some degree of drooping. None the less, I would consider these good boob jobs – they are how many people today think big, natural boobs should look.

Who's not had a boob job?

Which pair are actually real? Maybe my readers are more boob saavy than some of my callers (I will publish the result in my next blog)?

[polldaddy poll=5201811]

So despite claiming to detest them, I find some guys are generally not able to spot boob jobs, much less good boob jobs. Reason = confusion over what big, natural tits often really look like? And while many men claim to prefer natural boobs, it’s not rare to read negative comments about so and so’s big natural breasts ‘being a bit saggy’. I wonder where these critics get their benchmarking standards? From girls with enhanced tits, maybe?

I have naturally large breasts. They are a bit soft, they do droop, one’s a bit bigger than the other and my nipples are big. They’ve been this way since I was a teenager. Here they are lying in the bath yesterday, squeezed together for a bit of extra volume. If I stood up, would they look like any of the breasts pictured above? Nope. Would some natural breast enthusiasts find my large, droopy breasts unattractive? Probably. Can we win? With some people, no.

Suzy's Tits

Suzy’s Squeezed Boobage

I’m rambling and finding it hard to make my point so I will end here. Since my last blog was about a girl’s right to choose who she sees, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to demand that men who hate fake breasts book girls with fake breasts. But the fact that some men refuse escorts when they couldn’t tell, without asking, that their breasts were enhanced (we are too honest for our own good sometimes), baffles me entirely. I can almost guarantee that some of the busty girls they visit elsewhere fib about their cleavage status anyway.

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Titty Titty Bang Bang: The Results

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Who's not had a boob job?

I’ve got Dermot O’Leary in to announce the tit poll results. Read the next paragraph in his voice:

The telephone lines have closed. The votes have been counted. I can now reveal that the winner of this year’s Tit Factor is…….*9 minute pause*

D!

So yeah, it was D. Those magnificent boobies belong to Elite Courtesan Jennifer. In total, 8 of you guessed correctly, but 13 felt C were the real ones, and 12 felt E were real. Nope – both enhanced, but very good boob jobs. A trailed with 6 votes and B even more so with only 3.

Well done to the 8 (19%) of you that guessed correctly – wear your smug faces with pride. The rest of you, I bloody told you so!

Suzy x

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Girl Power

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A bit of self-indulgence if I may. I started this blog on Monday night when I was half pissed on red wine (it’s good for you). Anyway, I was squiffy, listening to some tunes and I came up with a great idea! Why not blog my top 10 female singers/musicians of all time? Humour me please – you might hear something you like. Even better, you might be able to recommend me some stuff. I’m a total music geek and love listening to new (or old) music.

These beauties are in no particular order and they totally make the world a better place:

Singer, front woman and total legend Poly Styrene recently died – RIP Poly. She followed my personal Twitter account and I don’t think i’ve ever been so chuffed. Tit hungry Skype philanderer Jason Manford also followed me but that was less impressive. On behalf of the wonderfully unique Poly, all I can say is this: oh cancer, up yours!

I would have called my baby Gloria but my husband reckoned she’d sound like a pensioner from birth. I still think Gloria is the coolest name on the planet, and it’s all because of this song. In particular this version by the sensational Patti Smith. If ‘Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine’ is not the best opening line ever, i’ll eat my hat.

I say alt, you say country! It was a toss up between Neko Case and Jenny Lewis for this entry. I love them both dearly, but I think Neko just pips Jenny to the post. It’s the sort of music that brings me out in goosebumps, and she’s just as marvelous live too. Also, she likes animals. I like animals. We should be friends.

Being a bumpkin like me means extra kudos points. But Polly Jean Harvey does not need those extra points, she’s awesome in every respect. This song is off her latest album but her entire back catalogue is great.

I imagine if you cheated on Martha she’d cut your cock off, slit your throat and then bury you under the patio. I would not recommend it. She’s not as famous as she should be and her self-titled album is fantastic from start to finish.

Hey, it’s that crazy bird from Iceland that used to go out with Tricky! Damn right it is. Bjork is fabulous, except for that ‘It’s Oh So Quiet’ track which I hate. This vid was directed by Chris Cunningham. If you like it, you should also check out Aphex Twin’s Come to Daddy and Windowlicker videos too.

Never let it be said that Suzy isn’t street and down with the kids. What’s that you say grandad? Turn it down? No fucking chance! I’ve just checked M.I.A’s Wiki and she’s 36 years old, meaning she was 29 when this video was recorded. She looks about 16, the bitch. Them be good genes. She’s fabulous and Arular is my favourite album.

I don’t know who this dude smoking and dancing is, but he made me laugh. Kelley Deal is the twin sister of Kim Deal – think Breeders, Pixies, Amps etc. Anything that involves either, or better both, of these ladies is tops in my book. Kelley used to be big into booze and heroin, but now prefers a spot of knitting. Sensible policy.

I *love* Joni Mitchell. I usually listen to this on Sunday mornings when i’m cleaning the house. Actually, that’s a lie, I usually listen to this on Sunday mornings when i’m in my pit sporting a hangover. The album Blue is a beautifully melodic masterpiece. It’s like having your mum sat next to you in bed, reading a story. Blue is one big bloody cuddle.

Can you imagine having a top 10 female singers list that didn’t include Kate Bush? She’s totally mental and I love her for it. I can thank my mum for introducing me to this one, as she used to play it non-stop when I was a kid. I’d occasionally catch her cartwheeling around the living room too. I like to carry that tradition on.

So there you have it…and it wasn’t easy. I didn’t manage to squeeze in Tori Amos, Cocteau Twins, Le Tigre or Janis Joplin to name a few. I hope they won’t be too cross.

So what’s your top 10? Would love it if you added your list to my comments so I can check them out.

The post Girl Power appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

Working Safely as an Outcall Escort

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I published this article a few years back elsewhere on the web, but thought I would re-work it a little for my blog. Usually I write for clients but this time it’s for other sex workers. It’s a bit of an essay if I’m honest – have you got tea and Jaffa Cakes to hand? Good, then I’ll begin.

Working safely as an escort, whether it’s independently or part of an agency, is crucial. If you don’t, at best, your time will be repeatedly wasted. At worst, well, you don’t need me to tell you what could happen. One thing we know at Elite Courtesans is outcalls. And we know how to do them safely. So for those of you starting out in the industry, I’ve listed some pointers below to help you stay safe and minimise time wasters as much as possible.

1. Don’t ever answer calls from withheld numbers. In fact, go a step further and download a blocker app for your mobile phone – you can then block withheld calls without ever being disturbed. The reason every escort on the planet lists ‘no private numbers’ on her website is because the men who hide behind 141 are exclusively douchebags that will waste your time.

2. Don’t respond to texts from unknown numbers. Unless you like being strung along by bored losers who will eventually send you a picture of their erect penis, that is. Assume if a guy doesn’t initiate first contact with a polite telephone call, he’s either 15, or a time waster. Also beware the guys who call briefly and then bombard you with texts. If you’ve taken my advice and downloaded a blocker app, add them straight to the sin bin. If not, save them in your phone as ZZ Monkey Fucker (or whatever), so you know never to respond to them in the future. The ZZ means they sit at the end of the your contact list. Out of sight, out of mind.

3. Don’t take bookings over email. Really? Yes, really. While it’s OK to answer initial queries over email (don’t get too carried away, email time wasters are just as prevalent), always speak to the potential client before accepting a booking. Chatting on the phone is absolutely the only way to get a good feeling (or not) for the guy. Your ‘escort telephone sense’ will develop rapidly.

4. How to spot a time waster on the phone. It’s mostly common sense, but none the less when you’re new this can be daunting. Here are some tell-tale signs the call should be terminated: is he going into excessive detail about outfits or services? Did he initially ask for a 1 hour booking and then accept without question that the minimum booking time for his area is 3 hours? Has he asked for an overnight booking, money no object (not always time wasters but treat with caution)? Is he asking to meet at a Travelodge (more on this later), bed and breakfast, halls of residence, army barracks, in his office or at ‘a friend’s’ house? Has he told you he has a big cock and is amazing in bed? In my very extensive experience, genuine customers have the utmost respect for your time, and do not keep you on the phone longer than a quick chat and to arrange the details. Anyone who yaps on for ages, bin em!

Remember, not everyone who is a time waster knows they are a time waster. Some men are just complete fantasists who will pull out of the booking when the time comes close. If you get an inkling that you’re dealing with one of those (overly nervous, hesitant etc), don’t bother with the booking in the first place.

5. Verifying identities – private residences. For outcalls to private residences, take his full name, address and landline telephone number. We use 192.com to check the electoral roll online (this will also bring up directory enquiries and info from companies house). Once verified, don’t forget to call the client on his landline, or have him call you, to confirm that he is actually at that address.

Of course, life isn’t always that easy. Clients can opt-out of the online electoral role AND their landlines can be ex-directory. In this scenario, I always Google his numbers – mobile and landline – using all different variations 01234555555, 01234 555555 and 01234 555 555. Those spaces do make a difference in Google! Sometimes you will score a hit – a business website, advert, whatever (must be a good source) that verifies his name and address. Don’t forget to check out his email address too, if you have it.

Failing that, at Elite we will ALWAYS get proof of address, and this means asking him to scan in or photograph a bill and email it to us (a phone bill showing the landline or mobile is ideal). Genuine clients do not mind doing this. I can’t remember the last time I was ever refused. Don’t feel that as an independent escort you won’t get away with being so ‘demanding’ – you will – and it might just be your saving grace.

Still no luck? Hotel meet only then for this client.

6. Visiting hotels. Hotels are much easier. In this case, you want the client’s full name, hotel details and his reservation number (if it’s an advance booking). If he’s already in the hotel, and it’s the day of the meeting, you’ll need his room number.

The first rule of hotel bookings is: never leave home until the client has checked in and you have called his room to verify that he is there. For short notice hotel bookings, I will always confirm the name the client gave me with reception before being put through to the room: ‘Hi, I’d like to speak to Mr Andy Davies, I think he’s in room 212, can you double-check that’s right before putting me through?’

For advance bookings to hotels, as well as ringing the room on the day, I will always call the hotel to check the reservation beforehand. I don’t think I’ve ever once been asked who I am – receptionists just assume I’m the client’s wife or his PA. So just something like: ‘Hi, I’m just calling to double-check you have Mr Mohammed Aziz booked in for Sept 1st?’ No justifications needed – sound confident, don’t talk too much and make sure you have the correct spelling.

I’d always recommend calling again on the day of the booking to check the client hasn’t cancelled his reservation. If he has, you can put yourself back on the rota for that night with hopefully enough time to spare to find a replacement client!

Regarding names, musical sounding concoctions such as ‘Steve Smith’ or ‘Andy Anderson’ should put you on your guard. And if anyone asks why you need their surname or real name, hang up and stick them on a blacklist. The good ones never ask.

A note about hotels. Avoid the Travelodge – they don’t have telephones in the rooms. Always check with Premier Inns (hit and miss) and other budget hotels that they have phones in rooms before fully accepting a booking there. Also, if you’ve never heard of the hotel the client is proposing, check it out online. If it’s 7 bedroom family run hotel or a run down bolt-hole for dossers and drug addicts, AVOID.

Lastly, late night visits to hotels can raise eyebrows at the front desk and cause problems, especially as doors often get locked. Do you really want to work through the night? What type of client is going to call you out at 1am? A drunk one, most probably.

7. Money. You should only ever accept payment in cash – Pounds Sterling. Do not accept foreign currency that you are not used to handling. Do not accept cheques, even from regulars, they will be cancelled. Ask for the cash within the first 5 minutes of meeting and COUNT IT. If you wish, do it in the bathroom. Never fall into the trap of not checking cash. Sometimes a simple miscount on the client’s behalf can leave you out-of-pocket. Buy and use a forged note detector pan on a few notes if you are unsure. Hide the cash well in your bag, preferably in a zip pocket/hidden compartment. Your bag never leaves your side during the booking. If you go to the loo, the bag goes too!

8. Instinct is the best protection you have. Always trust it. Hopefully, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, you’ll never be short of work. But if you do find yourself running low, still never take risks that you wouldn’t entertain normally. If you walk into a hotel room or a house and something doesn’t feel right, say you left your condoms in the car and leave (don’t take his cash). If your client is drunk, on drugs or obnoxious/aggressive, leave. If you find more than one man waiting for you, leave. Again, if you’ve marketed yourself correctly, most guys you meet will make a real effort for your date, be thoroughly lovely and treat you like a princess, but the odd tosser can always slip through the net.

9. Sexual health. Get yourself to your local sexual health clinic and get checked regularly. Tell them you’re a sex worker – I used to give a fake name, my real DOB, no address and just a mobile. They accepted this. You’ll get a completely different level of care from your normal girl about town if you are honest with them. Make sure you get throat swabs and tell them if you offer anal so they can check there too. If they don’t offer you it, ask for the fast tracked Hepatitis B jabs.

During your booking, give the client a discreet once over before the fun begins (if the client turns out the lights, that’s not normal, turn them back on). If you see anything out of the ordinary, don’t take the risk. Condoms do not protect against warts, herpes etc that can spread over the groin and beyond.  Don’t offer OWO if you have bleeding gums, open mouth sores or have been to the dentist. Don’t let guys come near your eyes or nose. Don’t offer CIM without being fully aware of the risks. Swap condoms regularly during vigorous intercourse to reduce the risk of them breaking. Doing a duo (two escorts)? Make sure the client swaps condoms between girls.

10. Discretion. Knowing a girl who was stalked by a nutter recently (he came across as totally normal to begin with), this section is particularly important to me. Keep your real name to yourself. All clients will ask for it, it’s normal and understandable, but I’d recommend you give them another fake name (or none at all) and don’t tell them where you live. Don’t carry a purse full of photo ID with you (carry none in fact) and put a pin lock on your phone that must be entered before it can be browsed/used. All you need to carry is a small amount of cash for parking/emergencies (don’t forget change), your mobile, a selection of lingerie, condoms, lube, a toy etc.

I’d recommend you always crop, blur or disguise your facial features on your photos. You don’t need to show your face to work successfully. Similarly, avoid being filmed or photographed during bookings, but if you must allow it, don’t allow them to include your face. You may not have anything to lose right now, but your future may be different. You don’t want this work coming back to bite you on the ass. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for hidden cameras – it does happen! Does your client keep trying to position you in a certain way or in a certain area of the room?

11. Escort buddies. If you’re not working for an agency, ALWAYS have someone on hand to check in and out of bookings with (I’d recommend calling or texting your buddy to let them know you’ve arrived in front of your client). Be that a close friend, a partner or another escort. This person needs to know exactly where you are and what time you plan on leaving. If you don’t leave on time, they need to call your phone. If they can’t reach you, they need to call the police. This person must be trustworthy and reliable.

You’ll read countless times punters describing girls as ‘clock watchers’. What they really mean when they say this is that the escort didn’t give them any extra time for free. Don’t worry about all that bollocks. Leave your bookings not early of course, but promptly, and avoid getting into the habit of being tardy with your time. If your escort buddy is used to you hanging around bookings longer than you should, when and if something does go wrong, he/she is less likely to be concerned. If the gent wants some extra time, he can pay for it, and you can ring your buddy and say he’s paid for an extra hour (or whatever).

12. Network. Don’t forget to read the punting forums. The warnings sections can be a rich source of information. Do your bit and report any wronguns you encounter too. Here’s a few to get you started:

En fin. I think. It’s possible I will think of a few other tips as time goes by which I will add to the comments. I hope some of you find this blog useful and that it helps you stay safe. Since this one has been a bit serious, I thought I’d include my favourite video clip by my favourite comedian about my least favourite hotel chain ever to finish things off. Er yeah, enjoy!

The post Working Safely as an Outcall Escort appeared first on Elite Courtesans.

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